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  • Writer's pictureLars Stannard

5 Minutes for Safety

Updated: Oct 21, 2019

Whenever I would go charging out the door to go do something, I would have to pass by my dad's office (lair?) to get out of the house. Of course whenever I would try to thunder out the front door to get myself into trouble, he would always stop me dead in my tracks and interrogate me:

"Where are you going?"

"What are you going to do?"

"Who's going to be there?"


Depending on my answers, he would then proceed to give me a talk about how to not come home an absolute disaster. Almost always he would then turn me loose by reminding me that my actions have consequences, and to be mindful of what I do. 'Five minutes for safety' was a term he had picked up from his father-in-law whenever my mom would try to go off and get into trouble. It was his way of saying go have fun, but use your head. It was passed down to my parents, and served as a way for them to introduce me to certain things without having to say "I know what shit you're trying to pull you little fucking hellion."


(This is why he would make me have those talks, so I wouldn't do shit like this.)


Anecdote aside, I think that this might be a good time for a quick safety talk. Just so you know what you're about to get yourself into.


My name is Lars Stannard, and I'm an aspiring writer going to school in Burlington, VT. I write primarily longer form fiction, as well as scripts for TV and video games, snarky reviews, and several half-finished short stories. If you decide to stick around, expect to see snippets of all of that!

As far as my fiction writing goes; I enjoy writing fantasy worlds, or alternate realities, that reflect our own in both a satirical and speculative way. For some reason it seems that I am drawn to the end of the world when it comes to my writing. I guess that I like to think about how our daily lives would play out if our world, did in fact, end. The things that I try to avoid are zombies, perfect romances, and complicated magic systems.


Now that the formalities are out of the way, here are some fun facts about myself:

1. I'm six foot one, and I'm kinda fun.

2. I love the cold weather, and (reasonably) people think I'm insane for it.

3. I didn't exist in several federal records until this year.

4. I honestly just want to be able to use italics in my texts.

5. One day I hope to live on either a private island in the Northern Pacific, or on my own mountain.

6. I make a mean hotdish.

7. If I yell too much I end up sounding like a pirate.


Once I get things running a little more, I hope to upload some of pieces of my work on this site available to all for free. So stay tuned!


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